Friday, 5 September 2014

Leading Boys On

Here's my foolproof plan on how to lead boys on...

That was a joke, to all of you that struggle to pick up sarcasm through the internet; the idea of leading boys on is actually the bane of my life. I make absolutely no effort in my real life to hide the fact that at the current moment I am in a same sex relationship, and yet still whenever my phone goes off and a boys name appears on the screen, I am regularly questioned about leading boys on. Not only does this annoy me because I want to know why that's frowned upon for me when a male would get a clap on the back for the same behavior, but mostly I want to know why my conversation with a male generically means that I'm leading him on. To support my case in point, here are three non-staged conversations between actual lads I speak to on a regular basis, and they're pretty typical;

As you can see, the thing is not the fact I want to jump your boyfriend's bones, it's mainly that I'm really good at iPhone knowledge and really bad at pretty much the entirety of life beyond that. If me asking why my games server isn't working is getting a boy hot under the collar, or me being able to digest Thunderbird references, or my ability to tell him why his notes have disappeared, then I think he's probably got a bigger problem than him supposedly being led on by a 5"4 ball of pure awkwardness. I don't know how many of you reading this will have come across me in real life but the fact is? I'm the least cool person you will ever meet. My underwear often has batman on it, I sleep in pink fleecy pants with panda faces on them and I can (and regularly do) eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting; it is a miracle that my girlfriend wants me, it's completely laughable that two people might find me as appealing.

In the 21st century are you seriously telling me that basic communication will convince a boy that he needs to bed my inner damsel in distress? If a man can't talk to me about simple life matters and general pleasantries without wondering what I look like naked and whether I'm secretly hinting that I would like to be, maybe I should just lock myself in my room from now on forwards as life is going to be long and very tiresome. So what it comes down to is this: I'm not leading your brother/cousin/best friend on, nor am I trying to steal your boyfriend. I am absolutely not bothered if you want to give me your number to call on as long as someone fixes my damn Steam Server so I can play Hospital Tycoon.

What do you think about leading boys on? 

S xo.

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